From Wound to Pitfall

“Wounds you don’t heal will become pitfalls that steal your future.”

I was listening to a word earlier this week—a message that landed so deeply in my spirit that I had to sit with it for a while. I needed to meditate on it before bringing it to you, because I know someone reading this needs it right now.

Looking back, we all have that moment in our past that hardened our hearts. For some of us, it is a case of bullying in the school’s hallway; for others, it is a caregiver who could not be present. Making us the sum total of everything that went well and everything that didn’t, plus more.  

The problem is, when you leave old hurts unaddressed, they don't just stay in the past. They grow roots. They begin to take away your future possibilities long before those possibilities even have a chance to arrive. That is how we deny ourselves the safety or kindness of a well-meaning friend because we learned betrayal from someone we once trusted.

By wearing the wound as a shield, we come to a space where nothing meant to restore us can actually reach our heart:

We reject help. "I don't need anything from you, or anyone else."

We reject love. "You can't love me. Nobody ever has, so why would you?"

We reject hope. "Nothing good ever happens for me anyway."

The thing is, this behavior doesn’t typically present itself as a clear statement. It is more insidious than that. Sometimes it is as simple as not asking for help when we are clearly drowning or not trusting a well-meaning friend when all they want is to love us.

The rejection of hope can be even sneakier. It shows up in statements like “things like that just don’t happen to me” or “I like to prepare for the worst and hope for the best,” while we spend most of our time anticipating the worst.

I know this feels like a heavy message. But I had to deliver it regardless, because today is the day you start tending to what hurts.

The Hard Part

Cleaning up a wound that has already festered. For most, healing old wounds requires a long walk into the moment that took away our trust, love, and hope. You can do this work alone, but it is so much easier with the fresh perspective of a friend or a professional.

Know this: healing takes time, and it is not a linear path. People might bump into that very spot you are trying to heal and make you recoil a bit. This is where your commitment to getting better will have to be stronger than the comfort of staying the same. Unless you stick with the new path, you will walk right back into that same space that has now become a pitfall.

“What happened to you was only a page in your becoming—it is not the final chapter. You get to decide where you go from here.”

Avoiding the Pitfall

“If you can walk through these questions, you can build a bridge across the pitfall to the other side of yourself.”

The biggest thing you will have to face in life is yourself. Running away from it doesn’t work. It only keeps the pain and hurt right with you in every space you occupy. So, turn around and face it for as long as you need to. This is where the work begins.

While understanding what happened to you, in its context, is a great step toward healing, intellectual understanding isn’t enough. Getting into the heart space of what happened creates momentum to change.

Reflection

Ask yourself these questions:

Understanding my heart space—Do I love the way things are? What parts feel unbearable?

Discovering the self-narrative—What do I tell myself about what happened? How did that change me?

Identifying the effect of my wounds—How does this hurt show up in my life? (anger, resentment, avoidance, bitterness, distrust, numbness)

Taking action—What would it look like to allow yourself to feel the pain it caused and grieve the version of me that was hurt? What small step can I take today to honor my new commitment?

If you can walk through these questions, you can build a bridge across the pitfall to the other side of yourself.

That is the best way I can describe healing. Building a bridge one brick at a time, with faith as an anchor and the support of a healthy community.

I am cheering you on!

Discover the book: Welcome Home: All the Pieces of Me.